I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
My balls are so social today.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
