i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
