He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
