i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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