if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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