Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
