We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's rum buckets o'clock
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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