Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im holly from the hills drunk
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
