Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
