i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
