i love accidental penises.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
