i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
