She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
