but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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