Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
foreskin is a definite game changer
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
