I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
