ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
