There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
