I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
