kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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