quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
