I'm gonna have a badass scar
"it" just moved
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
