dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
