Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize
