i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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