His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
