Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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