We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
