maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
