worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
