My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
