You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
