I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
