Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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