The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
