Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
