He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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