Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
