and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
