hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I intend to get homeless drunk
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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