Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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