Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
