The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
