i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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