I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
