covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to align my fucking chakras
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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