WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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