he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
