Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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