I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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