opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
