Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
