I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
