I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
